EggXpert

*******************EggFleet Eggsplorers****Episode 1*******************

Captains log, Stardate 1113718:

EggFleet has dispatched us on a mission to the I.R.I.S. Cardiris quadrant at the edge of the Xandros galaxy in search of a distress call. The Imperial Republic of Intergalactic Scientists have been working on integrating string theory with known wormhole technology, hoping to reduce the amount of energy necessary for intergalactic travel. Due to the close proximity of the lawless Linux galaxy, the ship and crew must remain on guard against G.P.S. attacks. The Galactic Pirates Syndicate are known to operate in the area, hacking into ships systems and copying then corrupting critical data. EggFleet suspects they are responsible for the distress call, probably attempting to pirate I.R.I.S. technology.

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Captain Juan Carlos has always been known for his photographic memory and quick wit, attributes likely responsible for his popularity with cadets and teachers alike, which helped him to graduate first in his class at the EggFleet academy. He is humble and friendly with his crew aboard the E.S.S. (EggFleet Star Ship) Seneca, allowing the officers to refer to him as CJ or JC although they rarely do. He often avoids taking credit for himself, preferring to praise his crew and their abilities.

Right now JC was busy processing the information being collected from the ships scanners as the E.S.S. Seneca and its crew approached the small planet near the edge of the Xandros galaxy. The red/yellow sphere is known as Netopia and has been identified by Seneca's scanners as the source of the intergalactic distress call, being emitting from the Kaspersky Laboratory somewhere below. The thick swirling clouds of the atmosphere reminded JC of a miniature Saturn and blocked a direct view of the surface. None of the scientists were responding to the open hailing frequency bouncing off the surface, a closer look was necessary.

Mulling over the possibilities, Commander Carlos suddenly blurted aloud,

"We have to launch a reconnaissance drone to locate Kas lab and survey a landing zone,"

Captain Carlos was perched on the edge of his Captains chair, intently studying the small planet on the NEC, Navigational EggFleet Console, display. He sharply shifted his attention to his second in command,

"Red, launch the X1."

Commander Crest replied, "Aye Captain....launching X1....X1 away."

The P.R.O.A.C.E.X1© represents the latest in technology, its stands for Planetary Reconnaissance Observatory and Its built on the well tested Axillary Craft Explorer X1 series drone. The original X1 series employed a Polar Orbiting Pattern that scanned the surface 3 quadrants wide, otherwise known as a POP3 service. The outdated POP3 service traveled in the opposite direction of a spinning mass, relaying intermittent information each time it crossed over the target zone. The P.R.O. upgrade was a huge advance that meant the satellite drone could remain in a geo-synchronous orbit, allowing for constant target feed known as IMAP or Image Mapping in Apogee Position.

Commander Carlos rose to his feet. He needed specialists for this mission, addressing the crew over the intercom,

"The following crew members will report to the transporter room for landing party detail: Volf , Maquire, Man, Daniel, Burnette. Complete mission briefing in fifteen minutes. That is all." He then slapped his hand onto Commander Crest's massive shoulder, "Red, I'm gonna need those reports as soon as you get them, forward them to the Transporter Room." Captain Carlos strode towards the Egg-lift announcing, "Commander Crest has the Com."

Commander William Crest is a large imposing figure who had known Captain Carlos from their days together at the EggFleet Academy. Their training officer, Captain Obvious, cleverly bestowed the nickname "Red" on Crest, only a lanky Lieutenant at the time, for his bright red hair. At 6' 7" and 272 lbs of rippled muscle, only Captain Carlos dares refer to Commander Crest as "Red". The rest of the crew is intimidated by Commander Crest's presence and rightly so, he has a proven ability to crush a mans skull with one hand. As homage to his imposing strength, the crew is quick to salute and respectfully refer to him as Commander Crest.

As the Captain entered the Transporter Room, the other members of the landing party were already putting on their EggSuits and talking amongst themselves. Chico greeted the captain by saying, "Your reports are coming in Captain, I'll put them on the sonic viewer."

Ensign Chico was the ships best D.M.E.K. technician and responsible for overseeing the safe transport of crew to and from the ship. D.M.E.K., Digital Magnetic Electrical Kinetoscope, is the system used for beaming complex information streams. By creating a magnetic field of excited molecules in the air, D.M.E.K. is able to present a Digital 3D holographic image inside a given area. With a few clicks and a couple of knob twists, Chico filled the transporter room with an exact holographic duplicate of the planned landing site.

"Good work Chico." The captain continued, "We are heading to the Kaspersky Lab located on Netopia's surface. As you can see, the Ammonia rich atmosphere creates crystalline deposits on all the surroundings. This falls under Maquires field of study, so I'll let him tell you more."

Major Maquire spoke up, "The crystal formations on the rocks and ground cause the area to appear sugar coated, as if the entire surface is made of candy, but I assure you this is not a rock candy planet."

Major Maquire recently joined the crew as the ships Geological Expert. He possessed an unique sense of humor, often referring to himself as being the only crew member with a head full of rocks. Far from being intellectually challenged, Maquire's knowledge of geological ASrock is of critical importance to the mission. ASrock is the chemical formation of Ammonium-Sulfide crystals, which look like inside out Geodes from earth, the isotopes harvested from the cores are highly unstable and serve as the primary power source for wormhole devices.

"Notice the increased concentration of ASrock crystals that get thicker and larger at the top of this rock face," Maquire sweeps his hands toward the ceiling, "the atmosphere becomes highly concentrated with Ammonia with the slightest increase in altitude..."

The captain interrupted pointing toward the floor, "Its for that reason we shall be landing here in the lowest lying area at the base of this rock wall. We hope to avoid crystals forming on the hull of our landing craft, they will explode with the friction of leaving the thin atmosphere and the results could be catastrophic. Our trip to the surface must be a short one."

The captain goes on to explain how the landing party will split up into 3 man squads once inside the Kaspersky Lab. Alpha squad, Daniel, Cman and Maquire, will attempt to locate the beacon inside the lab while Beta squad, JC, Burnette and Volf, will search for the scientists.

"Time is of the eggsense," Captain Carlos was worried about the threat posed by G.P.S. marauders, "climb aboard the T.Y.A.N. transport and lets get this show on the road"

Suited up and loaded in the landing craft, they set off for the surface of Netopia and their rendezvous with the scientists at the Kaspersky Labratory.

*******************EggFleet Eggsplorers****Episode 1*******************

I need more names for Scientists, Support staff, new ships and equipment!

Volunteer your name and you can be in episode 2!!! 

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Glad you like it Volf,

Just so you know, your the "expendable" member of the crew on this landing party  I'm teasing...

I need more names and some tech questions answered to continue the story.

If the Egg staff approve, ill post it in the general section where more people can participate in episode 2.

Hopefully those who were reluctant to volunteer their names will be more likely to do so now that they can see how I've used them.  

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Good stuff.... I will be more than glad to help you in any way that I can. Keep up the good work.

-Mike 

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Remember to rate good helpful posts!
For Some Tutorials Check Out My Tutorial Site:Team Tutorials

sure, why not, count me in.  BTW, I hope you are really going to crank up the campiness.  So far, the dual-meaning acronyms are providing a good chuckle.  Crank it up several notches and see Eggsactly where it goes.  It could be Eggstremely Eggsilerating in an Eggsistential way!

I'm a DOCTOR, not a [insert completely unrelated profession here] !

campbellkd14:

BTW, I hope you are really going to crank up the campiness.  So far, the dual-meaning acronyms are providing a good chuckle.  Crank it up several notches and see Eggsactly where it goes.  It could be Eggstremely Eggsilerating in an Eggsistential way!

I'm a DOCTOR, not a [insert completely unrelated profession here] !

Episode 1 had to be a little dry because I needed to introduce the characters properly. 2 will have a great deal more camp, now that I can refer to characters, and people will understand what the references mean.

 I think some may have missed Kaspersky Lab, Tyan Transport, IRIS Cardiris etc. and not recognized them as actual products. I should link the items to NewEgg....

AHM GIVIN ER' ALL SHEZ GOT CAPTIAN! 

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Yes, by all means, link.  Newegg will love it and to demented individuals like me it will further cement the parody aspect of the humor.

Personally, I can't wait for Episode 5: The Eggpire Strikes Back!  where malevolent Egg Lord Dark Shell uses "the yolk" to advance his EE-vil cause.

(OK, I grant that was pretty weak but not bad for spur of the moment)

Nice read. Kind of reminds me of Star Trek. Can't wait for more!
 

 Great, I'm a satellite drone...

Uh, anyhows...

That was hilarious...

And what was even more scary, is that you hit my name dead on...I was thinking about it, and the only way my name could be properly used would be to use it as an ancronym of some sort, of a technology or vehicle...

So you actually used my name in the exact way I was thinking you would...And the use of/that Copyright on my name was hilarious...

Good job GenSeneca!!!

I hope everyone starts checking this out!!!

Hopefully, the EggXpert Mods and Admins approve!...

Respectfully,

PROACEX1

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By Anonymous, 1929: "See the happy Moron. He doesn't give a d***. I wish I were a Moron-My word! Perhaps I am..."
By Mazer Rackham: "Early to bed and early to rise," Mazer Intoned, "makes a man stupid and blind in the eyes."
Xfire: proacex1
Skype: proacex1

"as if the entire surface is made of candy"

It could be easily missed, but it's there. 

madeofcandy:

"as if the entire surface is made of candy"

It could be easily missed, but it's there. 

Good thing for me your name isnt "Made of Puppies"

I would have had a really tough time getting that in there!

Probably would have had to upset some dog lovers... 

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Everyone, 

I made this post a sticky, not because I like to sticky my own posts.... I am leaving for vacation soon (couple of hours) and havent seen or heard from JC or Redcrest and I want them to see this thread. As active as our section has been lately, it would get bumped out quickly and they would miss it. Once they reply, I'll take it off sticky or it will be moved.

JC and/or RED,

If you are cool with this story and want to see more, please move it to the General section so I can get others to participate. Regardless, I will continue writing while on vacation and check in once a day if possible to see if any new material is available.

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Hi, GenSeneca--

I passed this along to Juan and let him know to move you to the General section.  :-)

Good job!

Joyce

GenSeneca:

Everyone, 

I made this post a sticky, not because I like to sticky my own posts.... I am leaving for vacation soon (couple of hours) and havent seen or heard from JC or Redcrest and I want them to see this thread. As active as our section has been lately, it would get bumped out quickly and they would miss it. Once they reply, I'll take it off sticky or it will be moved.

JC and/or RED,

If you are cool with this story and want to see more, please move it to the General section so I can get others to participate. Regardless, I will continue writing while on vacation and check in once a day if possible to see if any new material is available.

Totally awesome! Had a good laugh with it. Wonder how it would look on a comic? mmmm.

Putting it in General Discussion for everyone to enjoy. 

LOL!!!

Gensen, I hadn't realized you'd finished writing chapter 1 already! Man, what a great start! You're a pretty good writer, you know-- I figured this would just be a parodic thing for laughs, but this could actually turn into a story with some (albeit campy? =P) substance! Love the puns and tech allusions (the outdated "Polar Orbiting Pattern" aka POP3 system? LoL!). 

And WOOT for Commander Crest!! XD Did you know it's actually every girl's secret dream to be a big, muscley dude who can bend a frying pan with his bare hands? =P Okay, I'm kidding, but I still love my character~~ I'm glad I get to babysit the ship while the cannon fodder--er, I mean the crew members-- go off on their little adventure, but hopefully, I'll get to blow something big up later with the ship's lasers? <3 ^^

Yours,
 Red (who is enjoying this waaaaaay too much ^^)

P.S. JCarlos, I dunno about a comic, but I sense I'll be drawing fanart for this story eventually... =P

MeiLing:

fun story, I am looking forward to new chapters and to see who shows up in them!!  ^_^

 *poke, poke* MeiLing, you should go volunteer to have your named used in the story at the sign-up thread. The story will definitely be needing some female characters soon!

RedCrest:

MeiLing:

fun story, I am looking forward to new chapters and to see who shows up in them!!  ^_^

 *poke, poke* MeiLing, you should go volunteer to have your named used in the story at the sign-up thread. The story will definitely be needing some female characters soon!

Looks like the sign up thread is in the selectee area so I am safe for now. 

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Oh, that's right! Hmm, I wonder why GenSeneca put it in the Selectee section... JCarlos, is there a reason we should leave it there, or shall we move it to General Discussion for all to fear--err, I mean, participate in? =P

Hmm, I wonder when GenSeneca will come back from vacation so he can tell us himself...

Red

Red,

I based your character on your avatar, if thats a chick...Thats one butch chick! anywho, glad you like your character and....theres a reason I left you on the ship [wink]

As for the sign up, we agreed to test it in the selectee section. Now that its been approved for general discussion, anyone who wants to volunteer their name for the next episode (or future episodes) can just volunteer here in this thread.

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JC,

I would love to get together with someone and put some visual cartoon-ish graphics to the story. PM me if you know someone I should contact. That would be very fun!

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Im still on vacation and the only computer I have access to is a P2 (yeah you read that right P2) on dialup. Hella-slowwww. Looking forward to being home again on a real system with cable connection. Episode 2 has been brewing, I have got some eggselent Ideas while on vaca. For the reasons already mentioned, I wont bother trying to get EP2 done until I get home.

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Im eggstatic that so many have enjoyed the story and eggcourage everyone, who hasnt already, to volunteer their names. There will be many more episodes! Thanks for the props all, see you soon.

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GenSeneca:

Red,

I based your character on your avatar, if thats a chick...Thats one butch chick! anywho, glad you like your character and....theres a reason I left you on the ship [wink]

As for the sign up, we agreed to test it in the selectee section. Now that its been approved for general discussion, anyone who wants to volunteer their name for the next episode (or future episodes) can just volunteer here in this thread.

Hey, good to hear from you! (did you get my PM?) I figure a lot of folks who didn't see your explanation in the Selectee forum may not realize you have to sign up to be used in the story, so I'll move the Storytime Sign-up thread over to General Discussion so everyone will know how it works.

As for poor Lightning (the person in the avatar)-- yeah, she's a tough gal, but I can tell she's a girl? (here's the (jaw-droppingly awesome) trailer for her game: http://www.square-enix.co.jp/e306/titles/fabula/ff13/e3trailer.html --see, she's a girl!) Still... if Commander Crest is a guy and has a face and hair like that... dude, he's hot! *__* Okay, we've got to find an illustrator now...

Good luck with Chapter 2!

Red

HEY! That is not your original avatar....the old one was a burly mountain jack.... Thats my story and I'm sticking to it!

Cant wait to get home sunday, I have a lot to write!

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I need more names people.... Keep signing up!

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