EggXpert

Should you have any questions of a non technical nature, you can feel free to come here and ask The Dude...Relationship problems,I've had them. Job issues,no worries man. The Dude knows what you are going through. All you have to do is avail yourself of his many years of wisdom and life experiences. The Dude can handle just about anything as long as electricity or combustion isn't involved..

 

 

Disclaimer::All advice is given on an as is basis without any guarantee...Use any advice at your own risk. The Dude is not liable for any broken marriages,lost jobs or acts which may result in incarceration or law suits etc. etc. etc.  Please read the owners manual if you have one handy. The Dude reserves the right to amend this disclaimer as he sees fit.

Where do I go to find Hot Elf Women??

CheapAsianGamerGuy:

Where do I go to find Hot Elf Women??

I understand where your coming from man...The Dude also digs those little pointy shoes....all you have to do is follow the yellow brick road till you come to the tree where Keebler makes their cookies...Knock twice and tell them The Dude sent you... 

Those are little boy elves... and I'm just now down with those kinds of cookies in the oven.

 

The little girly elves are in the basement making those delicious pecan sandies. You will have to go downstairs and make a hard right.

The little girl elves. They run from me :~(

Your size probably frightened them..Try to look short..If they still run you should be able to catch one or two..They have short legs and can't run very fast. I caught 3 on my first try. Now they just fall down and wait for the inevitable.. reminds me of those fainting goats..

 Run and catch? That reminds me of the times I rode on the range... herding cats...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pk7yqlTMvp8 

The Dude was greatly amused by your little cat herding film thingamajiggy..It must have been quite difficult getting that many cats together in one place..

Dear Dudirino,

How can I care less about my job and more about having fun on my DS all the while not forgeting to listen to CCR?

Jobs are a dime a dozen..Even I could get one tomorrow if I really applied myself. Have fun and don't worry about it..I have no clue what this DS thing is unless it is a new cassette player in which case you are in luck since Credence greatest hits is still available on tape. Eight track is still The Dudes medium of choice however. Life is too short ..Have fun..

Ok Dude.. heres the question. How can I make time for both my GF and playing sports? LOL  

villa11:

Ok Dude.. heres the question. How can I make time for both my GF and playing sports? LOL  

Trying to make it tough on the old Dude aren't we? Except for bowling the Dude is more of a watcher(a voyeur if you will ) when it comes to games of sport. This leaves his Dudeness ample time to enjoy the ladies.. My suggestion to you would be to make a trip to Scotland where they make those sheep clones and get a clone for yourself.You would then have time for both your lady friend and your sporting games.. You could even swap up occasionally so the real you and the cloned you could both have some time with the lady...Just between you and me I think I would let clone boy have the lady time when she is in that really crappy mood they get in and you just don't want to be anywhere around them.. Being a clone ,he won't know any better anyway... You should be all set. Let the Dude know how things work out..

For a minute there I thought The Dude was advising to get a cloned sheep... O.o

Anyways...

 

Dear Dude,

I've finally managed to get my Ex-Psychopath, errr... Ex-Wife, to back off and leave me be. This pleasant occurrence has given me ample free time, and a desire to seek out the ladies.

However I find that it's been so long since I have dated, and my interests have changed enough, that I'm at a bit of a loss as to where to find such ladies.

What does The Dude recommend? 

Man the Dude has dealt with a few psychologicals in his time,so I feel your pain man..Let's see if we can't get you straightened out and back in the game bro. First thing you want to do is check with your attorney and make sure that restraining order against Miss Psycho is still in effect..don't want her popping in and ruining the party.

Now as to where to find the ladies I might suggest the local grocery as a prime hunting ground. Now hear me out. It has been the Dudes experience that women types do most of the shopping,so it behooves you to go where they be at. Women see a lone male type person shopping and they always assume he is available.The fact that they are in a grocery store also means there is a good chance they might even be able to cook, which is also a big plus in the Dudes book. If you are lucky enough to have custody of a small child then you are in even more luck my lonely friend. Don't have one? Borrow one from an aquaintance or relative. Let the child(male prefferably) get lost in the  store and they will seek out the best looking female types in the store for you. No womens can resist a lost and crying child..When you see contact has been made then all you have to do is move in for the kill introduction as it were..You may have to throw one or two back until you find the one right for you ,but by now you are quite desperate anyway and will probably settle for anything with a pulse and a smile.

Now here is a big DON'T..  Do not look for female companionship in clothing,jewelry, or shoe stores..You cannot afford them. These women are someone elses burden to deal with. I know by now you are saying ,"but Dude what about bars and nightclubs?"  Since this is where you most likely found the original Mrs.Psycho it is probably best to avoid these type places at all cost.. They may look like a candy store full of sweet chewy treasures ,but they are a trap my friend. The psycho meter will be pegged all the way to the right when you enter these dens of evil. I have seen many a poor soul ravaged by these devils spawn dressed up like angels .. No,the local Piggly Wiggly is your hunting ground my friend,and the grounds are indeed fertile. Now, like EA Sports says,get out there and get in the game..and good hunting.. The Dude

Dude deserves syndication.

volfann:

villa11:

Ok Dude.. heres the question. How can I make time for both my GF and playing sports? LOL  

Trying to make it tough on the old Dude aren't we? Except for bowling the Dude is more of a watcher(a voyeur if you will ) when it comes to games of sport. This leaves his Dudeness ample time to enjoy the ladies.. My suggestion to you would be to make a trip to Scotland where they make those sheep clones and get a clone for yourself.You would then have time for both your lady friend and your sporting games.. You could even swap up occasionally so the real you and the cloned you could both have some time with the lady...Just between you and me I think I would let clone boy have the lady time when she is in that really crappy mood they get in and you just don't want to be anywhere around them.. Being a clone ,he won't know any better anyway... You should be all set. Let the Dude know how things work out..

Thanks Dude :)

*laughing so hard tears are forming*

I <3 you man (in the hetero way)!

EDIT:

The Dude,

The GF and I have been together for 5 years. She and I have agreed that marriage isn't for right now but after she finishes school (masters). Until then, I have to bare through the family stare. You know of this stare? Short story of this long question: How do you feel about nontraditional weddings?

 

Quoting Root: "*laughing so hard tears are forming* I <3 you man (in the hetero way)! "

I second that Root!

Jeeez, I saw this thread, read through it, and ROFLMAO... I'm just wondering where Volfann got the idea for this thread (Could it be the recent Ask Root thread? If so, I'd love to have you help out in that one too, and you can help answer all the none-tech related questions! @ Root, what do you think about Volfann helping us out, eh?)

Anywho's, to be on subject...

Question:

"Dear Dude,

I've been in a bit of a bind lately...I've been losing friend here and there (Especially a few certain ones dear to me, mainly female, but some males too (just not dear in the way the females are to me), but I lost a huge group of friends a few years back, and I am only now starting to regain friends...So how do you think I can keep them?

Lost and alone,

Mr. Lonely (By Akon)"

Respectfully,

PROACEX1

 

root:

*laughing so hard tears are forming*

I <3 you man (in the hetero way)!

EDIT:

The Dude,

The GF and I have been together for 5 years. She and I have agreed that marriage isn't for right now but after she finishes school (masters). Until then, I have to bare through the family stare. You know of this stare? Short story of this long question: How do you feel about nontraditional weddings?

 

The Dude appreciates the love and even though the Dude is currently partaking of his lunchtime nutritional type substances he will still endeavor to make haste and help you with your query..

          It has been the Dudes long standing opinion that all weddings are by and of themselves non- traditional so to speak. My first advice to you my young smitten friend is to just RUN LIKE HELL as fast as you can.  That being said it is clear to the Dude that if you have already been chained to this young succubus for 5 years then there may be something worth sticking around for...Let's start with the Masters degree...That means future earning power for the Root household and is a huge positive. The Root could possibly even become like the Dude and let the lady earn all the bread. There is no shame in this young one..I would not tarry too long before signing the legal contract however.. Once the masters degree is earned and your little concubine realises her earnings potential she could decide she is just too good for the likes of anyone such as yourself.

   Now as for that family stare ,you did not specicify whether it was from the Roots family or the family of little miss take my degree and run.. If it is with your family then most likely Mom and Pop Root are just tired of waiting for those little grubby treasures called grandchildren..You can pick these up anywhere...you may even already have a couple somewhere that you've been hiding...Mom and Pop would be satisfied with even a few pics stolen off the interweb.. they just want to be assured that their little Rootster has grown into a man and can produce the next line of little Roots.  Now if you are getting those cold looks from the family of the future Mrs. Root then that is very normal..They take one look at you and think "holy mother of god,what does she see in his worthless a**?"  Don't be offended by this tactic..They only want what's best for their little princess and will ALWAYS consider you below her potential..Get used to it,that's just the way it is unless you get that Doctorate and then they will kiss your a** like you were the guy from Publishers Clearing House delivering that elusive 10 million dollar check.   Dude out.

You wisdom, as always, is priceless. Thank you!

*looks at PROACEX1*

And if your free, we will definitely forward any non-techy questions.

Dear Mr. Lonely,

                         Let me preface my answer with just two words Personal Hygeine!   More friends have been lost due to poor hygeine habits than any other issue....No one wants to be around Mr. stinky pits...  Now if you personal cleanliness is not the issue then we may have to delve a bit deeper into your personal and psychological  whatchamacallems.  If you are prepared to take a step back and take a long hard look at this messed up pile of human friend repellant that you have become then reply back with a bit more background info and we will straighten you out. Tell me everything,especially all those little intimate secrets people like to hide.. I could really use some new material for my second book of Duderonomy. Until then I would reccomend a can of that Axe stuff..The commercials look to be very promising for attracting friends,especially those of the female type persuasion. Oh,and if you are rich,then let some of that green hang from your pocket...I would suggest one of those gold dollar sign shaped money clips hanging on a neck chain stuffed full of Benjamins... You will be beating new friends away like K Fed fighting off paternity suits.

*Bows to the Dude Master*

*Looks at Root, smiles and goes; "YAY!"*

(And, no, my personal hygeine is actually rather exceptional, according to everyone I know)

Respectfully,

PROACEX1

root:

You wisdom, as always, is priceless. Thank you!

*looks at PROACEX1*

And if your free, we will definitely forward and non-techy questions.

The Dude could possibly help out as long as the problems require no technical skills.. The Dude is a thinker,not a worker..