root of all evil : Funny

Nel vino la verità

root — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 03:14:00 GMT

When we have a family gathering, two things almost always eventually happen:

Wine bottles get uncorked
Politics gets involved

First off, don't try this at home. My family is sadistic like this, but in all fairness some great conversations have come out of these. The most recent such event happened yesterday at my cousin's birthday party (he turned 11). Mom is a strong believer in the Democratic party, in voting, and doing her civic duty.

(A little background: She has been a High School counselor for umpteen years (you didn't hear me say that) and always puts health care/education as a priority).

Mom, meet root.

Root doesn't believe in voting.

Oh dear.

Safe to say our conversation was interesting. She got very frustrated with me, almost to the point of being angry. I laughed.

So here is a 10 thousand foot view of our debate.

My points:

First, my vote doesn't count. Historically, we've seen cases where electoral votes were put towards a different candidate than what the population voted for. All a moot point to begin with. It was done this way because our founding father's thought the general populus were idoits and educated people should make the decision (I tend to agree with them, even in this day in age).
Second, by the time politicians get to the office, they already owe X amount of people favors which will affect their decision making. The system is broken. Like the politicians, the people that hold the electoral votes can be swayed as well. I will not choose the "lesser" of two evils... not that I can (see point 1)
Third (in answer to Mom's rebuttal of "the way to fix the system is to vote") the only way to fix the system is if I (root) got into politics myself and attempted to fix it from the inside. This would require me quitting my job and dedicating many years to a cause that I don't feel strongly enough to fix in the first place.
Fourth (In response to Bush started a "freaking war" based on a lie, that lesser of two evils is better than nothing), I don't know what Bush had in front of him at the time of his decision to go to war. You can tell me that everything points to there not being WMD but we (general public) don't know that for a FACT. It very well could have been there and then it was moved... Bush could have been acting on the information HE HAD AT HAND. This is all pure speculation, of course. He very well could have lied for his own personal vendetta, or because he holds some stake in the oil. I'm not saying one way or the other because I wasn't there. The bottom line is, I'm not in his shoes and will never be since our government doesn't disclose every little detail they give to the President (for good reasons).
Fifth, last but certainly not least: It's pointless for people to vote just because it's the right thing to do. I can almost guarantee you that the majority of the people in this country don't know our candidate's platforms. People aren't educated on it but vote anyways. Since I don't believe in the system, I'm not going to vote. I'm ignorant of our politics/platforms because I don't believe in it.

This was about 3 hours worth of debating (for me to get my point across). Then she said "But what if everyone thought the way you did?"

My answer: "If common sense was so common, there'd be a heck of a lot more smarter people in this world. Thank God for stupid people."

(Extremely frustrated at this point) "But if they DID all think like you? There wouldn't be a government!"

My answer: "No... I'd be President."

By this time we have a small audience (few are brave enough to confront my mother when it comes to politics) and my Uncle so devilishly decides to chime in "You have my vote."

The moral of the story, my dearest users: "Nel vino la verità". It's an Italian Proverb which roughly translates to "In wine is truth".

I should be President.

Chuck Norris is my Hero

root — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 04:28:00 GMT

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Some people like to eat frogs’ legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald’s because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy’s.
Chuck Norris can’t finish a “color by numbers” because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won’t be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? …All of it.
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald’s in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It’s called Chuck-Will-Kill.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this “a slow Tuesday.”
Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
When taking the SAT, write “Chuck Norris” for every answer. You will score over 8000.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
When you’re Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
In the beginning there was nothing…then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said “Get a job”. That is the story of the universe.
Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Chuck Norris”
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
If you Google search “Chuck Norris getting his a** kicked” you will generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen.
Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther’s womb.
Chuck Norris doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.
When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn’t walk around people. He walks through them.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Chuck Norris’ can cure cancer, too bad he never cries.
If you stabbed Chuck Norris with a sword, he would live long enough to kill you, your family, everyone you know, everyone they know. By the time he was done, humans would be extinct.
Chuck Norris once went to Greece, 9 months later 300 spartans were born.
Chuck Norris knows what rhymes with orange.
Chuck Norris can’t do pushups. He always ends up pushing the earth down.
The girl from “the ring” watched a Chuck Norris video and died 7 days later

Site

That is all,

Laugh... Now!

root — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 01:20:00 GMT

Watch:

Feel better? I don't. I want a hott co-host.

Don't look at me like that PROACEX1.