Three battles, in a larger fight, with the backdrop of the first amendment. If all goes well the internet will stay neutral, while federal regulations ensure a faster and cheaper connection and more ISP's. But if we lose, the consolidated corporate world will turn the internet into a premium priced luxury, like cable television.
Net Neutrality clarified
First, I will address some of the confusion regarding the term 'Net neutrality'. I've heard many advocates of a neutral internet blast 'net neutrality' for allowing corporate prioritizing and control. I suspect this confusion is simply the result of applying that term, to cover the conflict in general, not necessarily one side of the coin or the other. People hear 'net neutrality' and associate it with the controversy, not the idea.
In fact the idea of network neutrality is simply that the internet be left alone; no WAN-level censorship, no packet forgery, and no prioritizing of bandwidth based on corporate interests (I will discuss this point later). Opponents of net neutrality argue that imposing such regulation would "stifle innovation" and on the political side, it would be too much federal regulation and some believe a law of net neutrality is premature. A less common argument against net neutrality, usually originating from the less informed, is that net neutrality essentially condones immorality on the internet because of the lack of censorship. These arguments don't seem to take into account the prospect of U.S. Broadband policy, that could significantly advance broadband capabilities and enrich the market of ISP's, thus more capital would be allocated for researching the innovation of the medium, that opponents, despite their alignment with the anti-competitive telecom giants, seem to cry for (ironic site name, don't ya think?).
Advocates of net neutrality argue that slowing or blocking access to content violates the first amendment of the constitution, and that service providers have no right to interfere with the network. Proponents view the purposeful network interference as a hostile violation of free speech, and many see that because of the trend of consolidation in this industry, letting ISP's do with the internet as they please would stifle innovation by eliminating file-sharing sites, and pushing amateur and small business web developers out of business. Not to mention the potential impact such would have on online gaming.
The impact of U.S. Broadband policy
That is to say, there is none. I can't really say exactly why the U.S. has not adopted policy, some have attributed geographic challenges, or the high cost of broadband (though this explanation doesn't make any sense). Lets take a look at the prices of broadband in the U.S. versus prices abroad:
Japan - average download speed is 63.6 Mbps; Lowest advertised price is $0.13 (~¥ 13.7) per megabit
Sweden - average download speed is 16.8 Mbps; Lowest advertised price is $0.35 (~Kr 2.11) per megabit
France - average download speed is 44 Mbps; lowest advertised price is $0.33 (~€ 0.21) per megabit
South Korea - average download speed is 43 Mbps; Lowest advertised price is $0.38 (~₩ 389.26) per megabit
United States - average download speed is 4.9 Mbps; Lowest advertised price is $2.83 per megabit.
This data begs the question: How do other nations do it? The answer is government intervention, which may be why broadband policy is practically shunned in Washington. Perhaps the policies abroad are viewed as socialistic here, and that term carries with it a bad reputation. But this argument is not valid at all because the policies abroad do not 'regulate' broadband, they simply ensure that it is not regulated. For example, in Japan, the government requires the larger telecoms to lay down fiber lines whether it is profitable or not and they enforce local loop unbundling so that competitors can emerge and stay competitive. Unbundling is generally opposed by the giant telecoms because it allows competitors to use the same loops and "leech" off the incumbents, they would argue as well that such regulation stifles their innovation (see Net Neutrality Clarified) and that it is unhealthy for a free market. All evidence to the contrary.
If similar policy were drafted in the U.S., it would force the giant telecoms to compete with a much larger market of ISP's, thus prices would go down, rural penetration would go up, and fiber optic could finally emerge as a standard in this country. Here's something to ponder: If the the U.S. implemented broadband policy, would net neutrality be an issue at all?
Where the DMCA fits in
This article is about a free internet, and together with broadband policy, net neutrality laws, and copyright policy reform, it can stay free. The Digital Millennium Copyright Act, represents, in my view, the manifestation of corporate greed, corporate personhood, and proprietary thinking (and it was drafted by WIPO, not the U.S. Congress). It has been the justification for blocking internet content (see Net Neutrality Clarified), and in many cases it overrides basic copyright laws such as fair use, and first sale on the basis that somehow the Copyright Act of 1976 does not apply to electronic media. The DMCA should be repealed in my opinion and on a side note, I think section 302 of the copyright act should be revised to limit the copyrights of the holder to lifetime plus none.
and I wager it will be quite literally a violent fight to restore the values of free enterprise and the constitution. I don't know about you but all this rampant consolidation and monopolizing is getting quite scary to me. It is virtually impossible to connect to the internet without going through a server that is owned by at&t, a corporation that is the second largest political donor in the nation. I don't have to mention all the other controversy surrounding this corporate machine. If the people with the money get their way:
1. Network Neutrality will be defeated and the internet will be transformed into a tool for corporate endeavors, where bandwidth is prioritized for the corporations that have the most money/influence and if the internet is still available to the public it will be in the form of expensive "packages" with a cap of probably 3meg; it will look a lot like cable tv does now (which is not a good thing). Also, if you write any thing or do anything that violates the EULA and contract you sign then you will be prosecuted in some way or another and in the future the already strict EULA will undoubtedly be even more strict. P2P file sharing will be outlawed, and online gaming will be virtually impossible. This generation (18-24) has grown very accustom to a neutral internet that remains uncensored and untampered with, and for us to witness this beautiful medium of communication be taken away and completely destroyed by corporate interests, wouldn't that boil your blood?
2. Mass consolidation will lead to the complete abandonment of capitalism and the values of free enterprise, and no one will say a thing. We'll end up not having any choice but to get our phone and internet service from at&t, our television from comcast, our video games from EA, our software will come from Microsoft, and so on. Because of this you will see a dramatic decrease in the quality of your entertainment (I'm mostly thinking about EA when I say that), and the little guy, that independent film maker, television producer (do independent television shows even exist?), independent game developer, or the hobbyist programmers that contribute to open-source communities, will be voiceless. above, I said that no one will say anything about all this consolidation, and here's why: It seems to me that anti-trust laws and the spirit of competition are being downplayed just as long as a particular merger benefits a companies shareholders, and with the way the stock market is designed, consolidation (i.e. a bigger company, thus a more valuable company) is essentially encouraged. This is why the FCC relaxed it's media ownership restrictions, because it would make the shareholders of huge companies like News Corp, wealthier. anti-trust laws being abandoned in favor of a more valuable stock? doesn't that get your blood boiling?
3. More sensational "journalism", as a result of the, by now (remember this is in future tense), tightly knit relation between corporate america and the government. You'll see more fake news, more biased news with less opinion and more sensational babbling that will be curiously absent of government and corporate criticism. More Faux News (which is owned by the previously mentioned News Corp) channels pretty much. And (yeah, I know an "and" at the beginning of a sentence, I don't care right now, I'm kind of in a rebellious mood right now, if you couldn't tell) we internet junkies already know just how useless tv news is even now. doesn't that boil your blood?
4. Government regulation of the rating systems. The ESRB, and the MPAA will be government entities resulting in a very harsh rating system that will block the release of any thing that it finds inappropriate for the public (and that's a lot). The government will fine any retailer/theater that sales products rated M or R to minors, and if the government is in control you can bet they'll waste money on implementing a registration program of sorts to ensure that any consumer of films or games is registered in a database and their allowed purchases would be tracked. The already over powered U.S. government will become even more powerful and it will be the judge of what you watch and play. Doesn't that boil your blood?
5. Junk science will make the news, and present false, or half-true information to the public (a public that has no reasonable access to the internet or an independent paper source for an alternate perspective). This is already happening with the global warming issue, so expect to see scientific initiatives for cloning, stem cell research, alternative fuels or cures for cancer, covered up (and perhaps shut down) by government funded science. doesn't that get your blood boiling?
So, if nothing is done soon, we'll live in a nation where the internet is filtered, censored, prioritized to the corporations and no longer a source for unbiased news, and a few massive companies literally control our access to news, and entertainment, which will be sensationalized, biased, and inaccurate due to government ties to corporate america. It will be much, much more difficult to publish works of art because the bureaucratic process of government regulation will block anything that a few members on a committee don't like, and science will be completely demerited and used for political gain rather than improving society. Will the public see this happening soon or will it go even further than what I described before we fight?
Excerpt from the GNU Manifesto:
" I consider that the golden rule requires that if I like a program I must share it with other people who like it. Software sellers want to divide the users and conquer them, making each user agree not to share with others. I refuse to break solidarity with other users in this way. I cannot in good conscience sign a nondisclosure agreement or a software license agreement."
-Richard Stallman, founder of the GNU Project
If you've been paying the slightest bit of attention to recent developments in the notebook computer market, then you've undoubtedly noticed a growing trend: the ultra-mobile PC (henceforth referred to as the umpc). Normally, the smaller the PC, the larger the price tag, but with the release of the Eee (pronouced E-PC) PC from Asus, the opposite is true. The Eee PC, released in October 2007, had a starting price of $299.99, and it's been selling like hot cakes (I've never really understood that expression) ever since.
The popularity of the Eee PC has spurred other manufacturers to compete; Acer is developing a umpc with an 8" screen, Everex is releasing their Cloudbook and Apple answers the Eee with its MacBook Air. With the exception of the MacBook Air, all of these notebooks are pre-installed with a Linux operating system. And now to the point of this post...
Budget laptops, installed with the open-source Linux OS, and selling like mad. This is most certainly a huge step forward for the Linux Kernal, which, until recently, had maintained a reputation for being complicated and generally incompatible. Not unlike many others, the release of Vista prompted me to research alternative OS's; I feared that Vista would eventually make XP obsolete, considering it's the only OS with Direct X 10 (or equivalent). I needed something that wasn't crappy like Vista, but was also better than XP. I did research and found Ubuntu. Since the release of Vista I've been heavily looking into Linux distributions, learning everything I can about the pros and cons of each distro, and I think I can say with reasonable assurance that my favorite disto's are Ubuntu, and Fedora.
Ubuntu was the first Linux OS I saw that was sleek, simple, intuitive, and capable; the first real competition for the major players, Microsoft and Apple. From my perspective (which is admittedly rather limited considering I've only been paying attention to Linux for about a year now) Ubuntu kick started the initiative to make Linux as user-friendly as possible, and it's influence spawned gOS. Several variations of Ubuntu have been released and supported by Canonical, and a new distribution of Ubuntu comes out every 6 months, with the current version being "Gutsy Gibbon". Linux is emerging as a notable competitor to Windows for the first time ever, and it's truly fascinating to see the consumers embrace the Linux OS and the philosophy behind its creation. Not that I imagine a world where the open-source philosophy dethrones corporate copyright laws, patenting, and the like, but if people took seriously the core principles behind open-source software, society would be better for it.
Why should consumers be stuck with whatever "The Man" decides to put in his software? Why can we not legally modify it to our liking? Why can we not legally pass it along to friends? Why is it illegal to share?
Why? Because of money. Our entire civilization is based on getting more of it.
That's the reason I'm switching to Ubuntu Linux. I don't want to support the monopoly that is Microsoft, corporate conglomerates love to standardize everything, and I don't like that. Ubuntu is developed by Canonical, a company dedicated to open-source software in accordance with the GNU project, and by volunteer developers and the user community.
Thanks to this UMPC trend, Linux will continue to grow in popularity until consumers suddenly decide that paying next to nothing for a really cool looking, highly customizable lap top is a bad idea and I don't see that concept wearing off any time soon. The future of Linux is indeed bright.
For your enjoyment:
Windows Vista Vs. Ubuntu Beryl
Linux Journal Eee PC ReviewCompiz Fusion on Ubuntu 7.10
The Tux Droid
Tux Vs. MSN
This post isn't about a new development in technology, or entertainment. This is a post about one day in my life that just plain rocked. Nothing relevant to the focus of eggxpert will be discussed and I don't want Blog Picks to highlight this post; this is just a reflection. the events of the 23rd of December require that names not be disclosed (don't get hyped about that fact, you'll be underwhelmed if you do) so I will use my friend's D&D character names instead. I will establish my friends identity by their Character's race and class so it is important to note that everyone involved is or has been in my D&D party, and we are, at least from my perspective, a tightly-knit group of friends.
It all started with a seemingly random (and that's not a bad thing) plan to go play laser tag in Louisville on the 23rd of December, put forth by my Gnome Cleric, Gimble, about a fortnight (sorry, I had to) ago. He invited the entire D&D party:
Me (DM/god)
Mirus (She requested also that I not use her actual D&D name, so I used the latin word for "wonderful") (Half-Elf Rogue, formerly 
)
Gimble (Gnome Cleric)
Erinor (I forgot the name of his character!) (Human Sorcerer)
Garth (Half-Orc Barbarian)
Motsijner (Dwarven Rogue)
Now, with that said, I want to build you up to the defining moments of the day, so I will start with the beginning of my day. It being the Sunday before Christmas, I was for some reason obligated to attend church (Church is not a common activity of mine, telling you why would require another full page), so I went with my parents to a small church in a small town, where my grandfather lives. The service was an hour long, and I actually did like what the preacher had to say. The sermon wasn't the normal, boring rant that is so typical of baptist services. the preacher pointed out that a lot of the things we "know" about Christmas, according to the Bible, aren't at all factual, and some of the traditions we've come to sing about are not entirely accurate. I appreciate a skeptic religious person because it means that at least some shred of humanity (that word has a very deep meaning for me, ask me about it if you care) is prevalent in their minds. Well, when that sermon ended, I reluctantly accepted an invitation to eat in the dining area of the church, I grabbed a plate of bland "Southern Baptist" food, ate it and left for Motsijner's House. When I arrived, I grabbed a golden bag full of thoughtfulness out of my car, which was to be a gift for Mirus, and we departed for Gimble's House where everyone would meet before heading to Louisville.
When Motsijner and I got to Gimble's house, our timing was humorously synchronized with the arrival of Erinor, we went inside to meet Gimble and Garth, then we waited ever so patiently for Mirus. After about 10 minutes, she pulled up and came inside. We indecisively debated which two cars to take to Laser Blaze until Mirus stepped in and volunteered her car (hooray for decisiveness! and thank you for the driving). So it was decided that Gimble would drive his Malibu, and Mirus would drive her Camry. We went out the door, Erinor and Garth rode with Gimble and Motsijner and I rode with Mirus. Before we got in the Camry I got the Battlestar Soundtracks and the golden bag of appreciation out of Motsnijer's car. I surprised Mirus (or did I?) with the gift, got precisely the response I was expecting, and then we headed out.
On the way to Louisville and Laser Blaze, Motsijner, Mirus and myself got ourselves pumped for Laser tag by listening to the Battlestar soundtracks, and Rammstein. After an hour drive that seemed like minutes, we pulled into Laser Blaze, I was overcome by anticipation (although it probably didn't seem like it) as I walked into the facility for the first time in my life. The entrance was a hallway, reminiscent of Alien, with incredibly fake-looking extra-terrestrial corpses and classic sci-fi weapons on display. I've been to laser tag before, at a really crappy facility in a really crappy strip mall of a decently boring town, and this place, I could already tell, was vastly superior. After we purchased two, twenty minute games of laser tag, Mirus eyed The Simpsons arcade game and got four of us in on it. She played as Marge, Motsijner played as Homer, I played as Bart, and Garth played as Lisa. Of course, being the most 1337 out of all of us, Mirus lasted the longest against the hordes of Springfield towns folk. One bad thing I have to point out about the otherwise fantastic arcade game, is that you can't kill Flanders. We pretty much stayed near House of the Dead, and for Erinor's sake, the Deal or No Deal game. Motsijner and Gimble had started a game of House of the Dead, but early on Gimble lost all of his coordination, and could not figure out how to reload (shoot off screen), so Mirus, after witnessing this poor light-gunning, forcefully took over Gimble's pistol and started pwning. I laughed. After a few more minutes they called our game, so we all turned in our tickets, and went into the "airlock". Motsijner and I were the only ones of the six that had never been to Laser Blaze, so the rules were explained, and then we were let into the what I am going to call the armory. The game was free-for-all, or slayer if you prefer, it was just the six of us. Each vest had a name assigned to it, I chose a blue one, named "Conan", written in fancy font. Mirus, was "Warlock", Motsijner was "Vader", and Gimble and Garth were "Golem" and "Cosmic Cow", respectively.
Starting out, I was doing awful, I had been hit four times before I could even get a shot off. The first two were from Mirus, then one from Gimble and another from Garth. I was rusty, that was undeniable, but after that horrible streak of deaths, my experience started coming back to me. Although I played decently according to my stat card, it didn't feel like I accomplished any thing at all. That's not to say it wasn't fun, but I wasn't "in the zone" if you will. I loved the arena though, it was two floor with lots of convenient (and inconvenient) cover, and the usual alien-themed walls and lighting, and of course, Sandstorm. The second floor was a lot of fun because I could see the entire arena, but of course everyone else could see me. I ended that game with a respectable rank of 3 out of 6 (are my standards too low?) with 29.63% accuracy and a score of 805 points. I was proud of myself, but one thing was definitely missing: my concentration.
After the game we went to the armory to return our gear, then grabbed our stat cards from the counter, this has to be my favorite aspect of laser tag, just seeing how good or how infinitesimally bad you are. We then preceded to go outside, where cold wind would cool us down after the sweat-fest. After a few minutes of cooling down and playing Deal or No Deal (don't trust Mirus' picks!) our second game started. We heard over the intercom: "Anyone from Kylee's Birthday and X-ray, please head to the airlock." At that, we all realized that we would be shooting little kids (I like the sound of that!). The game was another round of Slayer, but because of the new opponents, we decided to stay as a team anyway, so we all equipped orange vests, I grabbed "Manticore" at first, but as I was walking into the arena, I realized that the vest was missing a buckle, so I rushed back and ended up with "Ogre". The game was started, almost immediately the team split up, Garth and Erinor went to the 2nd floor bridge and pretty much rained down hell. While I followed Mirus for a bit, then I got shot by Gimble, and motsijner, so I began to wonder if this "Hey guys, lets still be on a team" concept was just completely abandoned. I retaliated for a few minutes, then I met up with Mirus again and we did some work to pwn the blue lights that were fraking camping in a corner on the second floor. There was a grating in the floor where the blues were huddled, and from below Mirus took them out like fish in a barrel, while I picked off the occasional red lights that walked around the first floor and the unsuspecting blue lights that would look over the edge to see wtf was shooting them (lol, great team work!). There was however one blue light, who I would later learn was called "Ice man", that kept away from the pack. The first time I saw this fellow he was standing at the base of one of the ramps, I shot him, then he walked by me. Thinking nothing of it, I ran up to the 2nd floor. Here, I met Erinor and Garth, firing away, and this reaffirmed the fact that we were still on a team, so I joined in, shooting in both directions, defending the bridge. Then, Ice Man, who was already established as a nuisance, popped up, so I shot him, but he didn't walk away like last time, he stayed up there, and even decided to feebly take cover behind a wall. I saw him do this, so after I picked off about 3 red lights from below, I turned around to deal with Ice Man again. I shot him as his vest regenerated, then I spun around the other side of the wall, waited for a few seconds then popped out and shot him again. I could tell he was getting annoyed with me (and us probably) because he decided to walk back down the ramp (thank god, he was ruining our defense, and apparently more than that). After that, I crouch walked toward the corner where the blue lights were, and tried to get some shots in on them, but they were too much for me, I ended up getting shot four times before I decided to go back. At this moment, Mirus showed up, and informed me, Erinor and Garth that the "coat guy" was bothering her in the most violating of ways, and that she was angry enough to kill him. Well, upon this news, we three decided to head down the second ramp, at the base of which we ran into Ice Man once more, dealt with him, rather sloppily from my perspective, then it was somehow decided that we should invade the blue light corner with full strength. So we got Motsijner, who was resting in a corner, to join us in an epic assault. This was probably the most epic part of the game: everyone rushed through a zig zag corridor, and up a two-step ramp, all the while firing upon the blue lights. Mirus took cover in a crevice half-way up the ramp, I leaned against the opposite wall, and we exchanged fire with the blues for a bit. The assault unfortunately didn't budge them, so we decided to head back to the furthest ramp, where we had come from. There, Mirus, Gimble, Motsijner and myself saw Ice Man on the ramp, so we shot him (i'm not really sure who shot him first), then the four of use blocked his way down, while Garth and Erinor, who had come from the top floor, blocked his way up the ramp. All of us were pointing our guns at him, and he freaked out, yelling, "I'm surrounded!", then, he attempted to run down the ramp, just as the game ended. Mirus was incredibly frustrated with this "coat guy", and for good reason. But I think we showed him just how much of a mistake he made. After the game, we all talked about how weird coat guy was, and how none of us liked the fact that he would just not stay away. After a brief break outside, where we again discussed coat guy, we got our score cards; I got rank 6 of 16, which I thought was pretty good, but what I liked most was my 50.51% accuracy rating. Mirus got rank 3 (heck yeahs!), and Motsijner got rank 14 (heck noes!), I can't remember Garth's or Erinor's alias.
Taking a break once more, we decided to go eat at Cheddars, which was near Home Depot. Well, I thought I knew where Cheddars was, so, with the same driving arrangement as earlier, we departed for the restaurant. I took Mirus in the completely wrong direction however, While everyone else wondered what we were doing. We "took a short cut" through traffic, and when we made it to Home Depot the three of us started looking for the restaurant, which was no where to be found. As it turns out, there are two Home Depots on Hurstbourne Parkway, after a few minutes of looking for seemingly non-existent landmarks, we finally figured out that Gimble, Garth, and Erinor were at the opposite end of Hurstbourne. Way to go me!
Not much of consequence happened at Cheddars, it was just a good meal with good friends, but I do know that it was here where the idea of turning this day into a Christmas party came to actual fruition. A Christmas party with alcohol in the mix, and this idea sparked a short, and rather entertaining discussion about my drinking habits that I'm sure no one can recall. I do remember one specific event at Cheddars, but I don't know why I remember it so vividly: Erinor was for some reason blowing with food in his mouth (or at least near it), and as a result a grain of rice hit me directly on the nose, my reaction was one of sheer impulse (wtf was that?), which is probably why Mirus cracked up. I ordered buffalo chicken fingers, ate hardly any of it (because I suck at eating), and got a to-go box. It had been the consensus that going to the nearby mall would be a good idea, to walk off the food before playing one last game of laser tag. At the mall, Mirus found a parking spot that happened to be directly in front of Victoria's Secret. Everyone made sure to let Mirus take the lead, as it was a bit awkward for the rest of us (in a humorous kind of way) to wander through that store. Once we got into the mall, Gimble failed miserably, even with some back up, to use the restroom, and Erinor, Mirus and I went to GameStop. Here Erinor purchased Mass Effect, and a WoW trading card game, then as we met up with Gimble, Garth and Motsijner to head out, Mirus stopped at an ATM, handed me a JCPenny business card with the name "willcocksen" on it, and got some cash out, while Motsijner went into Bath & Body Works to buy a gift card for his mother. We then went into B&BW, and browsed while waiting on Motsijner. I remember a pumpkin candle, and a felt blanket being the highlights here.
POINT: I want to interrupt this so far unimpressive story to talk about a point that Mirus made about the feeling of laser tag. She essentially told me that she loves the feeling you get when you're sneaking around, with a weapon and you know you have the advantage. The adrenaline you get when you're chasing or stalking (not in the perverted way, I mean the sniper way) someone who is unaware of you, and then firing your weapon and cracking a grin when you hit them. I know the feeling, I know that rush, and I love it just the same. I use to play a lot of paint ball, and I mean the sneak around the woods (my fraking awesome backyard), avoid detection, don't waste ammo kind of paint ball, not the hide behind balloons and fire a thousand rounds a second kind of paintball. I love the feeling of superiority you get when you see someone who doesn't see you, and when you are able to play around with your prey, trick them, or get really close (like slit-throat close) to them and "tag" them rather than shoot them. I just wanted elaborate on that ninja feeling. So back to the story:
When we went back to Laser Blaze, and signed up for a third game, it seemed likely that we would finally be able to play a 3 v 3 game like we wanted to in the first place. But when we went into the "airlock after a few minutes, three more people followed us, we were saddened (I was anyway). Not to worry though, the referee set the game up for three teams of three. Mirus, Gimble and myself were yellow team (so many ninjas!); Motsijner, Erinor and Garth were red team, leaving the three strangers on the blue team. I don't remember anything really remarkable happening this game, so I'm not going to bore you with what I do remember. In the end Yellow team came out victorious, with 32,200 points total, but I'm not the one to thank for that; I got a crappy rank of 8/9 with 25% accuracy and 2,300 points. Mirus however pretty much dominated, with a point total of 17,050, and a rank of 1/9, while Gimble did exceptionally well, scoring 12,850 points and a ranking of 3/9. When the game ended, everyone decided that a party at Gimble's house would be a fantastic idea (and it was), so Mirus, Motsijner, and I went to get alcoholic beverages (something I am not even remotely familiar with) before heading back to E-town. Motsijner bought something called UV Blue Raspberry, some sort of gin and vodka (there was some sort of lemonade type drink that came into the picture at some point but I don't remember Motsijner buying that). The events that follow are perhaps some of the strangest moments of human interaction I've ever come across. with that said, bear in mind that this is a first for me; I've never actually consumed alcohol (that I can recall), and I've never actually been to a party where the primary medium of entertainment is a drink (call me boring, sheltered, goody-two-shoes, anti-social, up-tight, sissy, righteous, holier-than-thou, whatever, I've heard them all).
Gimble, Garth and Erinor beat us home, but when we arrived, everyone congregated in the kitchen, where they learned of my abstinence ( please don't assume that my abstinence is a product of my faith, because it truly is not). Well, for the past 67 days, I had been doing a lot to be a more outgoing person, I wanted (I have my reasons) to be someone who acted on impulse and intuition more often, rather than intellect and intelligence. Logic was a tired concept for me, I wanted to be a little chaotic. That is why, when Mirus asked me to drink a little, I opted to do so. I was hearing the word "chaser" thrown around a lot while they were tasting the drinks, I saw what they meant, then Mirus gave me a single shot of UV. They were using pink lemonade as a chaser, well pink lemonade destroys my stomach for some reason, even the slightest taste of it will perpetuate a stomach ache for at least an hour. I don't know why it does that to me, but I wasn't about to drink alcohol, and top it off with something pretty much poisonous to me. We all toasted, in celebration of the awesome day and of my first experience with alcoholic beverages, then I swallowed the UV, using water as a chaser (wtf, that was a bad idea). The UV certainly tasted like raspberry, but the pleasant taste was almost immediately replaced by an intense burning sensation on my tongue, and in my throat, something similar to the unpleasant taste of rubbing alcohol (yes, I have tasted it, on accident though, and I didn't swallow). In truth, I hated the taste of it, I nearly spat it out. Though I didn't like the taste of that particular drink, I did appreciate the experience, and I would have felt like an A-hole had I not committed to it.
POINT: I want to elaborate on my opinion toward alcohol, because it seems like there is a miscommunication here. People seem to think that I'm almost puritanical when it comes to drinking, partying, and the like; but such could not be further from the truth. Everyone has their story, everyone has their reasons for the way they live, and I've found that if you understand the appeal of these kinds of activities, then you'll see that a lot of the people doing them are more than just the stereotypical shallow morons that you refused to associate with in high school. I understand that alcohol is simply a beverage, one that has curiously fascinating effects that serve to advance the fun factor (if you will) of any social gathering. That said, the only reason I've never took it upon myself to drink alcohol or get drunk is really quite simple: I knew that it was not healthy, so I thought it illogical (call me a Vulcan or a computer, idon't care, sorry) to partake. I've been offered plenty of times and I've kindly refused for that sole reason. Morality, my faith, my up-bringing, had nothing to do with this decision. But a few years ago something gave my logical perspective of things a run for its money, and to my surprise, it completely beat it out of me.
Anyway, now comes the funny part of my excessively detailed, unrefined account of the day. I'm going to go about this is an orderly fashion, I'll just list each person, give them a drunk rating 1-10, and explain what kind of drunk they were. The rating idea stuck with me after Mirus, whether she remembers it or not, asked me to rate her drunkenness on a scale from 1-10, I told her a six, but after careful consideration I lowered that rating a bit. This ought to be interesting:
Gimble: 2/10
Considering it was Gimble's house that hosted the event, there was a degree of responsibility on his part to at least stay coherent enough to control a sticky situation, but with the knowledge that I was not going to drink to drunkenness, some of the pressure was taken off his shoulders I suppose. Gimble acted a bit crazier that usual, and was certainly more talkative, at one point he pulled his trombone out and started improving Christmas music, this I don't think was motivated by any sort of alcohol. Though he did at one point come close to hitting me with the trombone on a low note, throughout the night and into the wee hours of the morning, he kept thanking me for being the responsible guy. Label: Lightweight
Mirus: 5/10
First of all, I want to thank Mirus for standing up for me when everyone else wanted me to "hey try this, or this, come on Glenn, it's not bad!". Thanks for understanding. Mirus had already told us about her experiences at school, and that she was apparently a tank when it comes to alcohol consumption. Well, she was clearly well-versed in how to conduct herself at a gathering of this sort and she emphasized her desire not to get drunk (thanks, no sarcasm there either). Well, she didn't quite get drunk, at least not according to her definition of the word; she got incredibly tipsy however, lost her sense of balance occasionally, and repeated herself a lot. She kept apologising to me about my being the only sober one having to put up with 5 drunks. I hated hearing that, because I honestly did not mind one bit being the guy that took care of everyone. At one point she asked me why I put up with it, and I said nothing (I do have an answer for that question now). She also asked me why this party was fun for me; my answer was absolutely stupid (I have a better answer for that question now as well). Perhaps the most amusing moment of her state was when Gimble put music on and she, along with Erinor and Garth, started dancing in the middle of the living room. Despite this, she was apparently still "there" enough to occasionally text someone, or to retreat from the crowd to talk to someone on the phone, so I'm not going to call Mirus drunk. Label: Tank, with SanRio stickers all over it
Motsijner: 9/10
Wow, just wow. He was completely gone, but it took a long time. He didn't say much that indicated his lack of thinking capacity, but his facial expressions and his body language told me everything. His eyes were strangely wide open, and a lot less active. His pace was more animated most of the time, and his hands were limp if he wasn't using them. His hand-eye coordination was aweful, as evidence by his poor attempt to wipe up a small mess that Mirus (if I remember correctly) made on the kitchen counter. He ended up knocking a nearly full can of Coca-Cola onto the floor when he was reaching for the paper towel roll. Later into the night he started convulsing in his sleep, kicking the edge of the couch, mumbling incoherently, and his stomach was making very loud, unsettling noises. Erinor, Gimble and I had to occasionally turn him back on his side so that he wouldn't potentially drown in his own vomit, if he were to vomit. Label: uh huh, just stop talking
Garth: 10/10
So very fitting that he earned a 10, being a half-orc barbarian and all. Garth was the first one to truly loose sight of reality. He's the kind of drunk that would jump off a cliff if someone told him there were a million Jaffe cakes at the bottom. Garth was a bit carzy, and agreed with anything anyone said pretty much. His defining moment? When he started head-banging, and air-guitaring, to some music (I forgot what it was) from YouTube all by his lonesome, in the computer room. He was in his own world at that point, completely oblivious to his surroundings it seemed. Later into the night he crashed on the floor like a stone, and it would have taken more than a bucket of water to wake him up. Label: WTF man?!
Erinor: 4/10
He was rather difficult to rate solely because I don't have much to go by. Erinor stayed very quite most of the time, far from his usual self. But one moment did shed some light on what kind of drunk Erinor is: When Gimble and I decided it was time to hide the alcohol from everyone, Erinor for some reason (forgive me, I don't quite remember the context of his anger) got short with Gimble, and took an angry tone with him. So maybe Erinor is an angry drunk, or maybe he's just an impatient drunk. Whatever the case, the following is proof that alcohol clouds one's judgment. Erinor and Garth at some point after I had fallen asleep, apparently decided it would be a good idea to take a walk outside, in the middle of the night, inebriated. A cop found them, go their ID, and thankfully let them go on the condition that they go back where they came from. This made Gimble and Erinor extremely nervous, and neither of them would be quite about it. I wanted to sleep, as did Mirus, but they just wouldn't stop worrying. Label: ?
In all, I got about 4 hours of sleep before Motsijner so rudely woke me and told me to drive him home. That was around 6AM, so when I got to Motsijner's house, I slept there until about 9:30AM, then I headed home, called Mirus to make sure she got home alright, and the rest is, well uneventful.
I had fun, I learned something new, I scratched off an experience from the list of experiences that my uneventful, boring, predictably uninteresting life has prevented me from experiencing, and my eyes are a bit more open because of it. I can tell you now, I'm not done thinking about what all this means to me, but I am done worrying about the thought of it.